


Meeting, interupted

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Cannibalism, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3508136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles dies, and Nathan has a plan for his body.<br/>I suppose this is rather tasteless in light of the episode synopses, but in my defense, I though it up <i>before</i> seeing them.<br/>Warning: Character death</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meeting, interupted

It was just another boring band meeting until Charles dropped dead.  
In fact, the band was so zoned out that it took them a few minutes of silence for them to even look up from their various distractions and notice this event.

Then one by one, the set aside their toys and rose to gather at the head of the table, surrounding the crumpled form on the floor.   
Pickles checked for a pulse and found none. “He’s dead.”  
Toki pulled out his deathbell, but Nathan stopped him. “Wait. I have an idea, help me carry him.”

They each took a limb, and Skwisgaar followed behind playing taps at warp speed on his unplugged guitar. He was making death metal. (Since they were a death metal band, of course.)  
Without running into a single employee, they carried their former manager through several hallways and down a few floors. The elevator was a little cramped, but he was still flexible so they managed.

Finally they came to a room, it looked weirdly like the room that clothing designer guy (none of them could remember his name) had been keeping those girls in. But surely it wasn’t the same room, because it was clean.  
They set him down in the middle of the floor, still having no clue at all what the fuck was going on.  
Nathan frowned. “First we have to take all his clothes off.”

They all considered this, Charles wore a lot of clothes. Layers of stuff even.  
“I schay we cut them off.” Murderface pulled out his knife.  
“Yeah that works, good idea. But don’t cut the tie! I can use it.” Nathan leaned down and removed the signature red tie, setting it aside. “Okay, go.”  
It didn’t take long for them to strip the body bare.

They watched as Nathan knotted the tie around their former manager’s ankles, then lowered one of the ceiling hooks and attached it. Charles was hoisted slowly into the air, head down.   
Nathan stepped back. “Skwisgaar, stop playing the funeral shit, play something happy.”  
“In case you forgets, we ams a death metals band? I don’ts knows no happy stuffs.”  
“Oh right, well whatever then.”

Toki had been thinking, never a good thing. “Skwisgaar, plays on tops of spaggetszie!”  
“Wow, dood, even fer you thet’s-“  
“No, that’s a good one! Play it if you know it.”  
“Guysch, I’m really confusched here. What are we doing with the robot’sch body?”  
Skwisgaar began playing an unamplified high speed version of On Top of Spaghetti, which sounded pretty weird.

“It’s an old family tradition! Like when someone dies and you know you’ll miss them and you want them to still be with you. But you know, not in a gay way?”  
“Yer talkin’ ‘bout the cannibal perts of yer family, aren’t you?”  
“Scho we’re going to EAT Charlesch?!”  
“YES! And then he’ll still be with us.” Nathan selected a skinning knife from the selection in a nearby cabinet. 

“How does eatings him makes him stays with us? If we eats him up he’ll be gones!”  
“Kid’s gat a point, he’d only last ‘til tha next big crap.”  
“We’re going to respect my ancestors and eat him! Now stand back, first we have to drain him.”  
They all backed far away and Nathan ran the knife across the former manager’s throat.  
Not very much blood came out.  
“Huh, I thought he’d bleed like a deer. Maybe people are different, I’ve never butchered a person before.” Placing the knife near Charles’s groin, he slashed it down the torso.

There was a weird clanking sound, and as the body turned on it’s hook they could see the gleam of metal inside the cut skin.  
“Well looks at dat, he really ams a fucksing robots all dis time.”  
They stood around the body, not sure what to do now.  
Nathan shrugged and raised his knife again. “Fuck it, we can still make cracklins.” It didn’t take him long to strip the frame bare, the skin wasn’t all that attached to it in the first place and came off easily.

At Toki’s prompting, Skwisgaar switched to playing Puff the Magic Dragon at warp speed. It was somehow fitting.  
Murderface studied the blood smeared metal form hanging from the ceiling. “Schince we can’t eat thisch part, can I have it for my room?”  
“Uh, yeah. Just rinse it off good so you don’t get roaches. Again.”  
“Aschome.”

Nathan finished slicing up the pile of skin. He’d left out the bits nobody wanted to eat, like the head and genitals. Even though it _would_ be funny to make Murderface eat fried dick... but no. “Okay, I’ll get all this fried. Charles party in the hot tub in an hour!”  
“Bring heroins and soft drinks and we can has a Rice Krispies party! Smacks, cracklins, pops!”  
“Dood, thet’s... thet’s rally terrible.”  
“Okay Toki, dats de lasts time I lets you borrow mine comedy tapes.”

“Hot tub in an hour! Bring alcohol! And that other stuff if you want, I don’t care.”  
Murderface had lowered his new room decoration. “I’m going to go give him a schower, then find a nice schpot to dischplay him.”  
“I don’ts gots no heroins!”  
They all ignored that comment, and set off to cook/ clean/ kill time.

 

The party went off right on schedule, Charles would have appreciated the promptness. There was plenty of booze, but Toki hadn’t managed to find any heroin.  
Charles had been fried a lovely golden shade and piled in bowls, lightly seasoned.  
Yep, they all ate him.  
And he was delicious.


End file.
